Oh damn I needed a good laugh!
*talks about celebrities on a first name basis as if we’re actually friends*
[wraps arms around favorite character] [wraps legs around them] [wraps entire existence around them]
Augustus Waters was a self-aggrandizing bastard. But we forgive him. We forgive him not because he had a heart as figuratively good as his literal one sucked, or because he knew more about how to hold a cigarette than any nonsmoker in history, or because he got eighteen years when he should’ve gotten more. (…) Augustus Waters talked so much that he’d interrupt you at his own funeral. And he was pretentious: Sweet Jesus Christ, that kid never took a piss without pondering the abundant metaphorical resonances of human waste production. And he was vain: I do not believe I have ever met a more physically attractive person who was more acutely aware of his own physical attractiveness. But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him.’
You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.
When the old mapmakers got to the edge of the world, they used to write, “Beyond this place, there be dragons.”